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He Died that I may Live

Listening to Kirk Franklin's "I Am" as the tears trickle down my eyes.... These songs know just the right spot to touch to bring out all the emotions...
So many series of events like strings and then one crowning moment when the barn bust open... Now I understand the science of transferring agression.. they had no clue why I would react like that....
So lying on my bed I decided to take stock of my life and the season of Easter and the events that led up to the point where we began to celebrate Easter..
Hmmmmmmmmm.... I am one blessed child of God, God has been faithful even in my unfaithfulness and my failings, God never gave up on me, day by day he keeps me and reminds me of his love for me even when I didn't love myself most times...
Sometimes I have thought about the cowardly way our and God tells me I love you and everything will fall into place... I have lost my way so many times and I still  lose my way but He has been patient all through, making me know He will always be there to hold my hands through it...

Sometimes I hear the cynicism in people's voice but every single time You tell me I matter, I am your daughter made in your image... sometimes I wonder whatever did I do to deserve this kind of love from God... it's hard so hard sometimes but the fact I know You have my back makes me go on and on...

It feels like Dejavu, like I have been here before but you tell me no matter how many Dejavu u have I will be there for you... I miss it, Lord I really miss my way sometimes purposely but you never judge me, I run into your arms when I see the first sign of trouble...

So going through Easter I cannot but be grateful for the ultimate sacrifice that bore me this great gift that I can come back as many times as I need to and you will be there....

All the times when you saw one set of footprints in the sand I was carrying you (footprint) so many times you have carried me like today... You are carrying me cos I cannot walk on my own....

Crossroads

Ladi met Ume at a party through a friend,Ume is the quiet type met and liked Ladi who was always up and about, Ladi was a lady about town, she knows who is who in the entertainment business and rolls with the big wig... Ume is the opposite, Ume is not so quiet but is not as loud as Ladi, Ume fell crazy in love with Ladi, told her everything about him, everything and nothing left out but Ladi was as expected the opposite, Ume gets to find out stuff about Ladi before she told him and  even when he tells Ladi about it, she tries to explain it away..

They progress in their relationship and Ume proposed to Ladi and Ladi accepted..

During the course of preparation, Ume finds out Ladi lies about everything, even when  she knows he already knows.....
Now Ume is at a crossroad... should He still go ahead with Ladi????

The Man Child

I grew up with the notion that the Man Child is superior, even though my parents try to make us feel we are equally important but you could see through the cracks of their actions that the Man Child is more important...
You see a lady that have 3 children all female and she is still trying to have another child all in the bid to have a Man Child to carry on the family name..

Many women have gone contrary to their doctor's advise and have lost their lives just becos of the Man Child.

Even society looks down on women and hands superiority to the Man Child on a platter,take for instance driving on the road and someone makes a careless remark "na woman naim make am dey drive like that" or a boy is crying they will say "why you dey behave like woman"
So many things to characterize the Man Child as superior..
In the days of my  mother and her mother,  they accepted that the Man Child is superior, infact embraced it... they took the concept of Submission in marriage to every area of their lives...
They submitted to men at work, marketplace et al... they squashed their ability to think and handed over their rights and authority to the Man Child. ..
Little wonder they started to pass it on from generation to generation  using phrases like "Don't you know he is a man"?
We were born in the notion and we grew up with the notion... sometimes I feel the pressure too I think "I want a man child so I can be respected" and I smile... This thoughts come all the time not out of willingness on my part but a subconscious feeling that creeps cos we were all born into that notion.

So this is 2015 what do you see?
I see more women taking up leadership positions in every strata of life..
I see the Man Child laid back, lazy and sometimes arrogant..more women are becoming self aware and are pushing the limits, more Men are becoming leeches and opportunists and trying to take advantage...
Things are begining to change, Women are becoming more bread winners, will it change the superior notion of the Man Child?I can't answer that...

NB: these writings are purely subjective, they are borne out of my inquisitive mind and by no way verifiable...

Where do broken hearts go???

 I listened to the song again and again, I was wondering what Whitney must have been going through when she sang that song....

I know it's been some time

But there's something on my mind

You see, I haven't been the same

Since that cold November day...

We said we needed space

But all we found was an empty place

And the only thing I learned 

Is that I need you desperately...

So here I am 

And can you please tell me... oh

[Chorus:]

Where do broken hearts go

Can they find their way home

Back to the open arms 

Of a love that's waiting there

And if somebody loves you

Won't they always love you

I look in your eyes

And I know that you still care, for me

I've been around enough to know 

That dreams don't turn to gold

And that there is no easy way

No you just can't run away...

And what we have is so much more

Than we ever had before

And no matter how I try

You're always on my mind

And now that I am here with you

I'll never let you go

I look into your eyes

And now I know, now I know... 

But really where do broken hearts go? Can they actually find their way home? Lol... I don't know anyone that hasn't had their heart broken before but time heals and fades the pain to the barest minimum...

There are some people that the love you have for them will never die, circumstances and time difference may not allow them be together but still never changes anything so would you equate that to  a broken heart?

This brings me to my second song... Try Sleeping with a broken heart... When I heard the title I was like wow that's a long one until I played the song and I got hooked.

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Even if you are a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me

And even at the bottom of the sea
I could still hear it inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time, you were telling me lies

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever try sleeping with a broken heart?
Well you could try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you

You wore the crown, you made my body feel heaven bound
Why don't you hold me, need me
I thought you told me, you'd never leave me

Looking in the sky I could see your face
And I knew right where I fit in
Take me, make me, you know that I'll always be in love with you
Right till the end

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could've told you right from the start it's 'bout to fall apart
So rather than hold on to a broken dream or just hold on to love
And I could find a way to make it, don't hold on too tight
I'll make it without you tonight

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Enough about broken hearts... We never fully recover but we still move on.

Her Smile, Like Sunshine....

How do I begin?
Where do I start from? I have gone through Charity's stages of grieve and I am still at a loss for words... so I will just start and see where it leads me..

He told me, Come to my house, I want you to meet my mum, I was nervous, I said really?? I dunno about that oh, He said , she is cool, so that evening I went to his house, she was indeed cool but I was nervous, then we hit it off, she is full of life, I guess, we just couldn't stop famzing each other, I think he felt left out at some point but he was glad his mum and I could relate.. ( I have a thing for older women, I have more older women friends than younger ones).

 That was how a beautiful friendship was born..

We text each other almost everyday, BBM was small thing, we even entered whatsapp, If she made he new hairstyle, she would send me a picture to ask if it was fine, If she bought Ankara for her daughter, she will buy mine and send it across. She will take pictures of her soup and send to me that I am missing out, we had a love relationship and we understood each other.

Early last year when things went downhill she was still by my side, she tried all she could to make a difference, fasted and prayed but never left me alone for one second....
Even when we had to restrict our friendship to the barest minimum cos it made her son uncomfortable she still tried to stay close and pray for me always.. I remember her saying "I have taken you as my daughter, on your wedding day I will dance and also meet your Mum"

It breaks my heart that you would not see my wedding day and you will not see my mum..
 Oh you loved life, You hated pain, every moment was a gift with you, You were always jolly, the last times  I saw you, you were reading Americanah by Chimamanda Adiche,  you told me not to mind how scattered your room was.... Never a dull moment with you.. NEVER.... You smile, You always smile...

I do not know how to say goodbye, I am actually bad at saying goodbyes, I still feel it is not real, that you will send me a message complaining that I abandoned you..

Mama Gladys Onokah... Your Smile...Like Sunshine.

The Heart Of The Matter.

This is suppose to be a secret post, over the years, I noticed that I usually feel better when I pen down my thought so here it goes.So happy my younger sister got a job in a profession that she loves, I remember when she had to come fight for admission in Uniport, it was like a loooooooooooooong time ago but I still remember.. lol, all the secret reporting she used to report to my mum how I drove her hard, looking at her, I think it was worth it.Sometimes I wonder if I am doing what I love? My sister studied Anatomy, graduated with one of the best grades in her class, but always loved cinematography and she didn't even think about it but jumped right into it, maybe cause she didn't have responsibilities or maybe cause she had a sister (my elder sister) that believed in her dream? or maybe cos she dared to take a risk, carve a niche for herself, or she decided to live her dream.So many times we jump into things not because we love them but because we have responsibilities and all we think about is the fat salary at the end of the month to meet the needs of family and our immediate needs sigh...... I love fashion, hair, makeup, I love to dress people up, I see a fabric and I know in my head what style to sew, what shoe to pair it with , should I have gone to fashion school?Maybe its not too late?but the market is filled with so many up and coming designers that I fear I will struggle but does that really matter?I am doing Brand management, a far cry from what I studied in school and I must admit I enjoy it.talk about brands, My eyes lit up, I know I was born to do this, so I try the Triangle approach; My Purpose which is at the Apex and then What I do and My passion, Just like the picture below..

My purpose is to  add value to the lives of people, I am called to a special set of people, the young people between the ages of 16-25, I am suppose to help them be who God wants them to be and help them find that place of usefulness, love and self esteem. I am tying that purpose to what I do now which is brand management and my passion which is  love for fashion and style.

So I encourage today to try the triangle approach, what are you doing now? what are you called to do (Your Purpose) and what is your passion (What do you enjoy doing)....

For me this is the heart of the matter.